The Songs that I Sing (bind my wandering heart to thee)

Today is Sunday.  
Today I was reminded that I seem to have developed a habit of paying very little attention to the words of the songs that we sing in church.  I suppose that when one does not really know what one is singing it quite possibly is not considered worship. 

Several months ago a friend of mine who had just returned to the USA after spending a number of  years in Asia pointed out that the home churches are still singing the same songs that were being sung years ago.   She also pointed out how when the number is called everyone dutifully picks up a songbook, turns to the correct page, and studies their book while singing.  She wondered why after all these years we don't have these songs committed to memory.  Why do we even need the song books?  

Today after the aforementioned reminder that I've developed this bad habit of paying no attention to the words I am singing I begin to wonder if this could possibly be one reason that I still need a song book.  (In my defense let me also add that  in the current church I attend they do tend to sing different songs than the church I grew up in, so in the last couple of years I have encountered quite a few songs that have been unfamiliar to me)  I also am not going to point to others and question whether they have a heart of worship when singing in Church, nor am I going to question why they need a song book.   Maybe songbooks helps one to sing with confidence, maybe some people need the book for reading the music, maybe songbooks give a sense of security.  These questions really hold no value in the grand scheme of life.  

I like to sing.  Actually I LOVE to sing.   Generally my love for singing comes when no one else is around.  And somehow those times feel more like worship than the times in church when I don't really pay attention to what I'm singing.      
Ok, I'm rambling really badly and you are quite possibly wondering where I'm going with this.   (I'm beginning to wonder myself)  

But here is something I've noticed, if a song means enough to me I memorize it.  At least enough of it that I can sing it very loudly while driving down the road or when I'm home alone.  I remember from the time I was pretty young that if I didn't know all the words to a song I either learned them or made some up.   (also from a pretty young age I broadcasted my singing while driving four-wheeler up mountains and down, through fields and around the neighborhood at a pretty high volume. That is until I realized that the sound of the four-wheeler didn't actually drown out my voice but only made me sing louder to the enjoyment of anyone within hearing distance) Anyway I learned that one of the annoying things in life is not being able to remember all the words to a good song.

I've heard debates, lectures, etc. on what types of music should be listened to and what types of songs should be sung.  I am not completely sold on the ancient hymns (although I think they have great value for their time and place) and I'm totally for the writing of new songs.  I am also realizing that sometimes my solid arguments for or against something may fail me and I might actually change my mind.  

Here's an example:   I have harped about some of the popular hymns from church.  Songs that use words we'd never use in every day life and sometimes words that mean absolutely nothing to me.   In the past one of my favorite songs to harp about was the one which included the words "here I raise my Ebenezer".  Now quite honestly I had no idea what an Ebenezer was, so I was never quite sure what I was raising.  Therefore I decided that I would just discredit that song from having any personal meaning to me, and I would continue to use it in my arguments for newer songs with personal meaning to me

Now move ahead to this summer - when I decided to to do a little Pintrest project.  The words "bind my wandering heart to thee", made perfect sense to add to my project because I'm well aware of the fact that my heart does seem to wander.  It wasn't until I was nearly finished with the project that I realized that the words I had chosen came from the very same song that called me to raise my Ebenezer.   Maybe this song is worth learning after all? 

Recently I've been thinking about this binding of my heart to my Saviour and again realizing how prone my heart is to wander away.  And this morning as I was driving to church I found myself singing the words to the hymn and I'm realizing - I really need to commit all the words to this song to memory because I really need it! (and because it's annoying to try to sing a song when I don't know all the words)

Now what I am going to do about my bad habit of letting my mind wander during the church services?  I don't know.   But this I do know - I'm going to keep on asking Jesus to bind my wandering heart to Him. 

 

Ebenezer - One definition I found says "stone of help".  

For further information read 1 Samuel 7.  

 

Thought the world might want to know.

Does God Still Speak Today? (Continued)

I fully intended to write about times I've felt that God has spoken to me. 
I started the post. 
It's currently saved in my drafts...It might eventually be deleted. 
I just can't quite get it together. 

Personal experiences can be...well just that.  Personal. 
They could be misunderstood.
People could think I'm completely nuts.  (they might be right)

(listening to voices in my head)
(things that defy logic)
(dreams - or maybe I was partly awake)  

Experiences in village churches where I couldn't even understand the preacher.
Signs on trees.
Did I mention those voices in my head?   Or the things that cannot be logically explained?

Like I said people might think I'm completely nuts!  Therefore if you want to hear these stories come over, drink tea (or bring your own coffee) and ask questions.   (have I ever mentioned I love when people ask questions?) I like telling stories (especially God stories) if I think people want to hear them.   And I don't even care but so much if you think I'm nuts as long as you're there with me. 

And does God speak today?   Yes.   I believe he does but probably not always in the ways that you would like for him to speak.

And now....
this is not a story of God speaking today but God does not change so maybe we can learn something from what Elijah learned long ago. 

The Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks But the Lord was not in the wind.  And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.  And after the earthquake a fire but the LORD was not in the fire.  And after the fire the sound of a still small voice - And that was the voice of the LORD.   (1 Kings 19)

Does God Still Speak Today?

A couple of months ago I found myself face down, thumping the floor, begging. "God, I wanna hear from you.  Where are you?   Are you even listening? Speak to me!"   
It seemed He remained silent in spite of my pounding, begging and demands.   

And I am reminded - 

God seldom speaks in the ways that I expect Him to speak.   He seldom moves the instant I demand that He move.  In fact God is not required to speak, move or do anything upon my demand.   For God is God and God is so much wiser than I am. He knows what I need so much better than I do.   

For this I am very grateful!  

Sometimes it does seem that God is silent.  But could it be that I'm so busy begging, demanding and informing God on what HE needs to do that I'm missing something very important? 

(to be continued)  
 

Thoughts on "Why?" and Worship

Jesus,

Why is there so much pain in the world?
Why do little children suffer at the hands of those they should be able to trust?
Why do Mommies abandon babies?  
Why do Daddies leave?
Why are governments corrupt?
Why do leaders fail?
Why is there so much unfairness?

You gave us choice. 
Why did you give man a choice?  You knew we'd make the wrong one.

You gave us choice.
What glory is there in the worship of a robot?  What praise is there in obedience when there is no choice?   That's not obedience, that's doing what one is programmed to do.

You gave us choice.
You created us to worship and then you gave us choice. 
We will worship - But who?

If all men and women would worship their creator would there still be so much pain?
Would Daddies still leave?
Would Mommies still walk away?
Would leaders still fail and governments be corrupt?
Would life still be unfair? 

What I've Learned at the Castle

So I moved to The Castle. 
I did a small amount of rebelling at the name of my new location but since the name came before I did I realized that there was no point in me getting stressed over a name.  I will admit in my false humility in a castle is not a place I was aspiring to live.  But alas I have learned to like our Castle.

 Recently I was reading a blog which challenged it's readers to think of themselves as less Princess and more Servant. Which once again got me to thinking.   Do I really want to be identified as living in a Castle?  For is it not Princesses who live in castles?  But then I thought... Wait a minute!  You should meet the occupants of my Castle.  Let me tell you a bit of what what I've learned about servant-hood from living with them.

 When there are mice.  The mice get caught.

Christmas comes and I am given a new favorite book. 

I won't say how I feel about being compared to a bat. In the end of the story I'm not scary, I'm the cutest  There may have been just a bit of flattery applied here. 

For our Christmas meal together we enjoyed the simple things.  Like McDonalds sandwiches.

In the evenings I've been served tea and hot chocolate in my favorite mug.  (maybe just a touch of flattery with the mug as well)



That's right.  I stayed seated (or sprawled as it might happen to be) on my comfy black couch under my nice warm blanket  and the hot chocolate just arrives.   You can't ask for more than that now can you?  

But I'm just now getting to the best part.  Since right now I am gone three nights a week I am realizing how blessed I am by The Castle or rather my servant friends who live there.  I miss our talks and the laughter.  
We talk and talk.  Oh the things we discuss, the problems we solve.  You know like.... (Oh wait, I can't tell you for we have an agreement among us.  What's said at The Castle stays at The Castle!) 

But you know what - those ladies - They're all pretty amazing for they keep me posted on all the latest happenings in their lives even when I'm not there.   You couldn't  ask for better friends than that.  Now could ya?

And when I grow up...Maybe I'll be more like them.  Maybe I'll be the one catching mice, or serving tea.  Maybe I'll even give complementary books for Christmas...And I'm really learning to enjoy the simple things in life. 

Life at The Castle is good!  You really should try it sometime.    

The Truth vs. Dramatic Heroes

Several years ago I read the book The Road of Lost Innocence: The true story of a Cambodian Heroine. It's a very wowish book in which a Cambodian lady went through awful, awful things at the hands of brothel owners after being sold and trafficked.  Eventually she found her freedom and began a foundation for rescuing other girls. 

It's an amazing story really.  An amazing woman!  The only thing I always wished was to hear that Samoly Mam had somehow learned to know Jesus. 

None the less, Samoly Mam is a hero.  She spent about 20 years helping others, rescuing them from brothels and giving them a better life.  I kept telling myself, if I ever go back to Cambodia I must look up Samoly Mam. When Nicholas Kristof and Half the Sky made a documentary in which he took celebrities into different countries to raise awareness of the oppression of women around the world, I was delighted that Samoly Mam was included.  Yes, Nicholas took Meg Ryan to visit and interview Samoly Mam.  In watching the documentary I again felt a tinge of sadness that no recognition was given to Jesus who is in the business of changing lives. 

Then recently I heard that there are allegations out that Samoly's story may not be entirely true.
So why would she make up such a story?   And what about the many girls who are being helped through the organization that she founded? 
Yes, she raised tremendous awareness to a real problem.  Human Trafficking.   Some may say that although her methods might not have been the best at least awareness has been raised and good has come from it. 

Does the end justify the means? 

On the other hand is it possible that WE THE PEOPLE and our love for dramatic success stories could be part of the problem?
We like to hear about the rescued girls who are simply overjoyed that we would share a few dollars so that they could have a better education.   We like to hear how our donations to good causes are feeding the hungry, saving lives, and transforming their futures.

Having lived overseas with the hope that I might be able to help a few young people have a better life I know some of the stresses of  wanting to tell supporters what they want to hear.  Sometimes it is just plain hard to know what to write in newsletters.  Life is normal. The dramatic seems to be happening to others, not so much for me.   Youth you are working with don't seem to be listening to what you're saying.  And believe it or not there are some who don't want to be rescued...or even know they need to be rescued.  There are those whom you try to teach new ways, who simply return to the same old ways.  Furthermore, I am selfish, I get very annoyed (I don't want to use the word mad, because that would sound really bad), have bad attitudes and wonder what in the world is wrong with these crazies who aren't listening to me. These are things you really don't want to write home about.  Sometimes the stories of failure happen way more often than the successes.  And what?? People are sending you money to fail?! 

I say that during my 5-1/2 years in Asia I believe that God taught me more than I taught anyone else.  This can be a bit disconcerting when you meet me and realize that I'm still a basket case.  Really I spent all that support money on language study, housing and food for me, to succeed at what??

So...WE THE PEOPLE... Let's learn to be okay with the truth.  The truth that life is not always dramatic or filled with dramatic success stories (although granted there are a few).   And let's do our best to know The Truth.  Which by the way, is the best part of what I've been thinking about for this post.  

What is The Truth?   Or maybe a better question would be Who is The Truth?  
For Jesus said "I am The Truth".  John 14:6
And in John 8:32 He says; "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free".  Maybe, just maybe we should capitalize The Truth and make it a proper noun.  I'm not trying to change scriptures or take things out of context but...Jesus did say..."I am The Truth".   And I know that there is freedom in knowing HIM.   

So my hope...my dream...is for Samoly Mam and all her girls to know The Truth.
I also hope that someday when I get to heaven I'll learn that some of my failures where not so much failures but some how, in some way The Truth has turn them into success stories (complete with some drama). 

And to my faithful supporters over the years.   Thank YOU!  Thanks for believing in the power of The Truth.   Thanks for not giving up on me.  Thanks for allowing me to be real, for allowing me to fail and believing that in the end The Truth will bring freedom for many. 
And Please...continue to support others by allowing them to be real, allowing them to fail, and believing that although sometimes your support might seem to fall upon failure there are a few...a few lives changed, a few rescued from slavery, and best of all a few more beautiful people whom we'll meet in heaven because of your promotion of The Truth.